I’ve mentioned Standards many times on my facebook page and in my blogs here. The reason for that is that they’re the basis of Life Stylin’.
They’re the key to every decision you make, in life and in love.
You may find that you decide to set them after many ‘mistakes’, when you want better for yourself.
Standards can vary in type, from health guidelines to strict dating rules and so on. For example, how many coffees you can have, or at what time you stop drinking them in a day. Or, breaking all contact with your ex for your own emotional and mental sanity.
When you’ve set your standards, any dating dilemma becomes simple.
Our standards will mostly be set based on our pasts, and the way we’ve been treated, and how we felt in that moment and even in our memory of that time.
Having clear standards for yourself will help you to teach people how to treat you in future, what you’ll accept and not. It means that you don’t relive the same ‘mistakes’ and dating nightmares over and over again.
Do you feel as though you’ve let yourself down at times? If so, it’s proooooobably time for you to get your standards in order.
Having them and sticking to them are two different things.
History and walls are tricky when it comes to dating. However, if you set certain standards for yourself, they’ll remain in place as long as you adhere to them, and this will help with the letting in (and the not), because you’re doing it all on your terms.
You’ll find that you’ll stick like glue to some of them, while others are a little more flexible.
The standards you stick to like glue may be influenced by your instinct, and that’s a good thing! Your instinct may be telling you that you should protect yourself. With others, you might loosen them slightly, and that’s instinct telling you that you can trust them a little for now or until you have more information.
For example, one that I absolutely will not break is that I’d never have a guy I’ve never met come over to my house. I get offers, and I turn them down every single time.
One that I’m flexible with on occasion, is whether I’ll date a dad. If his kids are grown up and not likely to influence the way he spends his time, then I might be more inclined. But generally, I don’t date dads. See? That one’s a little grey, for good reason.
But all of this requires you to know yourself and be strong in your own convictions.
And, no matter what, you’re in charge of your standards: setting, revising, adhering to them, dropping them entirely. It’s all up to you. Don’t EVER let anyone else influence them, because this is your life, and you’re responsible for yourself and the decisions you make.
It wasn’t always as simple for me either. I haven’t always known what I could say no to or how to react to things which happened. I’m a lot clearer now because I have my standards set. They help me when I’m faced with a tricky situation or a tempting proposition.
Why Else Are Standards Important?
We sometimes feel very alone in this world, and singles can find themselves the only single in a group of friends. This can sometimes mean that our friends don’t fully understand what we’re going through, and they can provide us support and advice, but it’s not what we need.
Even worse, sometimes they’re so busy being loved up and in couples, that we really are on our own most of the time, with no one to bounce our dating dilemmas against. So who are we left with? Numero uno, baby!
That’s why you need to be very sure of what you want and will and won’t stand for and put up with. Because friends come and go, as do relationships, but no one knows your love life like you. YOU’RE your more reliable person, and in the end, the only one you can really really really rely on.
In What Other Ways do Standards Apply?
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had a client tell me about someone they’ve met, perhaps been on a date, only to ask me, “do you think he likes me?” The question is actually irrelevant, because when your standards are set, you won’t be asking that. Instead, you’ll ask yourself whether he’s right for YOU!!
Life and dating have some commonalities. You need to: Know your value! If you know what you want for yourself and from a relationship, then you can handle whatever comes your way.
Some standards you might like to think about:-
♥ Whether you’ll talk about your sexual history or preferences with someone on a dating app, or in a facebook singles group
♥ The types of pics you’ll use on apps, or post in groups. Are you a tits out kinda girl? But do you then complain that guys only want you for your body?
♥ Do you need to talk to someone on the phone before you meet them?
♥ Will you go to someone’s house, or let them come to yours for the first time you’re meeting?
♥ Are you okay with coffee for a first date or do you need something more, like a dinner?
Your standards are there to help you make decisions when temptation is present or the decision is tricky. Eg if your standard is that you don’t date married men, when a Chris Hemsworth hot married man asks you out, your answer is simple (even if he flirts with you, you’ll shut that shit down pronto!)
Think you know your standards? Cast your mind back to two times in the past few months where you did something and regretted it later. Your standards weren’t strong enough. It’s time they were.
If you need help figuring out your Standards so that you can improve your dating life, book here.