Friendliness v Confidence: Living Through Shyness

When I work with people, a recurring theme is their shyness. I divulge to them that I experience it too, and that I feel awkward a lot of the time. They often say they don’t believe me, because I’m loud and talkative and friendly. They, like lots of people, confuse friendliness with confidence.  

It’s one thing to be friendly and polite; being outgoing and able to put oneself out there are another.  

I have feelings and I get embarrassed too. It’s not easy. Even doing this blog and sharing my feelings with the world is crazy scary! But I do it, because I want to make a difference, and help people to improve their lives.  

If people were to cast their mind back to our first meeting (or first few), they might recall how awkward my behaviour was compared with how comfy I am with them these days.  

No doubt I was funny, but that masked my insecurities, as it’s my go- to place for getting myself past the opening stages of a friendship or relationship. (Plus, I’m pretty funny anyway!)  

But apart from that, there’s an inner drive to do something out of the norm, try something new, experience something amazing.  

The alternative means that nothing changes. Life will go on exactly the way it is, living in a box, until something external happens and changes my place in life slightly. Then, I’ll keep going the same way until something else happens and then I’m in another box, doing the same thing. 

I don’t know about you, but I’ve long since reached a point where I’d rather be driving my life, and deciding which direction I should head, in and if I should even be in a box! 

So, I put myself out there whenever I can. It might not be every single opportunity, but the more I do it, the more comfortable I get with it and each success makes the next time easier.   

I usually do it by striking up a conversation with someone. In itself, that isn’t easy either. How I do it differs in each instance, and I’ll talk about that more another time. But, as an example, if I’m in a clothes shop, I’ll compliment someone on what they’re trying on. There are conversation starters all around us, if only you take notice, and go for it.  

The state of ‘awkward’ is a terrible one to be in and I either want to avoid it or conquer it. And you know, you don’t get if you don’t ask. So why not conquer awkward by making a new friend or brightening someone’s day by striking up a random conversation? Who knows, it might be your day you brighten. 

To get different results, make whatever changes are necessary. Speaking of, what can you do differently so you get different results?

How about you take a look at The SASSY Method. It’ll teach you how to start conversations with new people and make new friends. It includes entry to a Facebook group especially for people who are also learning to talk to new people.


If this post helps you, or you know someone who wants or needs to get out and live more, share it with them! Leave a ♥ and if you have experience with this, leave it below. 


Signature of Marie-Louise, dating coach at Life Stylin'

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