Dating as a divorced, childless woman

“Dating is no different for childless women than other Single women.”

A few years ago, a friend of mine said this to me.

I disagree vehemently overall, but it does depend on which stage of childlessness you’re in.

If you’re very used to being childless, and are content with your future being one without children, it might be easy and comfy.

But if you’re still coming to terms with your future not being what you’d hoped it would be, it’s a lot tougher.

After my divorce, dabbling with dating was ROUGH!! I wasn’t yet 40, was still mourning my marriage and trying to make peace with infertility.

My plan hadn’t worked out. I’d only gotten married a few years before, then had gotten ill, and was then diagnosed with “unexplained infertility.”

I’ll admit it was probably too soon to go back to dating but I knew that I’d never be as fertile as I was that day, so I forged ahead while I tried to process, “just in case”. I wasn’t expecting to fall in love straight away (and wasn’t ready for that). I wanted to get back into dating practice, make connections and see if the “like” and the chemistry could come along later. But as soon as guys saw my age and the selections the app offered, they went into selection mode.

They said things like:-

🙄I can’t date you. I want lots of kids (or more) and you’re already too old for that
😲why don’t you have children? Can’t have them?
😦why are you divorced?
🤢based on your age, I bet you want to have kids straight away, and the rest!

It really pissed me off that these men were in their 40s, and were poised over the block button if I gave a “wrong” answer to the questions they were only just deciding were important to them, and we hadn’t met yet!

Several admitted to only just getting serious about settling down, and there I was, divorced, having tried and failed to conceive, attempting to get on with life with a broken heart in my chest. Their attitude and questions on top of what I was going through, was galling.

While I was coming to terms with a lot, I felt no need (and frankly still don’t recommend anyone does) to divulge such personal details to complete strangers for them to dissect without the full story, which they also didn’t deserve that.

I commend them for knowing what they wanted and being prepared to look for it, and not take less, but it was a very emotional time for me, and I really struggled with these questions.

Dating can be a minefield at any age, but with childlessness thrown in, it’s even more complicated, especially if you’re still making peace with it.

These days, I’m a lot further along with my processing, and when I’m being scrutinised, I’m doing my share as well. I know what I want, and who I’m looking for, and guys like that aren’t even on my radar!

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