I’m asked questions about dating very frequently, from clients, friends and strangers and when to text is one which pops up over and over.
Generally, I exclaim, “now! What are you waiting for?” But I also feel like wringing the person’s neck because it really should be so easy, so simple, such a basic part of life. But, it’s not, and I know why.
For one thing, we’re scared of rejection. But you know what’s worse than rejection? Not knowing if you could have had a different outcome if only you’d put yourself out there. So bugger rejection and pick up your phone!
We’ve also been conditioned to “play the game” and make them wait and not show we’re too keen. After a date or after meeting someone, we’ve been trained not to call or text too soon. Why? Old rules.
I’m an old fashioned girl. I love old fashioned manners, etiquette, traditions, but it’s 2018, and just as we’re incorporating our mobile phone apps into our love hunt, we have to bring our old rules into today and modernise them.
So, if you meet someone online, or out somewhere and you exchange numbers, go for it! I’m not necessarily saying you should text them when you’ve just said goodbye and they’re still 10 metres away, but some people will smile at a cute message they receive shortly after. Perhaps a, “I couldn’t wait to talk to you again, so I just had to text!” message might go over well. If they don’t respond to that, then it could be too soon for them, or that you two don’t have compatible communication styles, but that’s not a personal rejection, it’s just two different styles which might not mesh well together.
It’s not for everyone, but then, you don’t know until you try. And really, what has it hurt? There are plenty of reasons why you two might not go anywhere, but if showing your enthusiasm is part of your personality, then show it!
One of the most unsettling feelings in any relationship (not that this is one yet) is the feeling of not knowing where you stand. So why not ease that for someone else, and show them you’re interested? It doesn’t mean you have to marry them, but your text or call could make their day, and if that person wasn’t too sure about you, having a spontaneous smile on their face because of your text will make them very keen to respond and dispel any doubts.
Show Your Interest
Women can spend days and weeks with their friends dissecting a conversation they had with a new guy, and the majority of that will be spent trying to figure out when he’ll call or text. Why hasn’t he called yet? Surely he’s not that busy he can’t spend 30 seconds typing a text? Isn’t he interested? What’s wrong? Well after you’ve forgotten your encounter with them, they’re still wondering, even if they didn’t tell their friends, and the self doubt can be soul destroying in the long term. Blech!!! It’s too much. Why would you want to waste anyone’s time and energy by not letting her know you’re keen?
Women, if you have their number, what are you waiting for? It doesn’t have to be the guy who texts or calls first. How good would it feel knowing that you caused a guy to have the butterflies in his tummy that you feel when you get that first text?
Women Taking the Lead
And guys, if a woman texts you, don’t go getting all, “she’s needy,” and crap. It’s rubbish. She met you and she’s showing her interest. It’s a compliment, so take it as one!
Above all else, there’s one resounding, can’t ignore it, you’re crazy if you do, reason to just send that text: you’re looking for someone, or you’ve been lucky enough to stumble upon someone amazing even when you weren’t looking. Why wouldn’t you jump at the opportunity to get to know them better? Why waste another minute being single and fanaticising about what it could be like to walk into your next family gathering as a couple, when all you have to do is get talking to the person you’ve already met. Each relationship starts somewhere, and as I do love to say, what’s the worst thing that can happen?
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