Are you thinking of having a festive frolic? Go you!!
Maybe it’s been a while since you’ve gotten some good lovin’ and you think, fuck it, it’s Christmas, I need some action!
That’s fair enough! Everyone needs some affection, and sexual frivolity now and then. Plus, it’s been winter, and that meant a few long cold months alone. You might even have some pent up frustration which could be shattered by a horizontal mumbo or two. You’re thinking you’ll make up for all of that now. And that’s okay! It is the Social Season, afterall!
But, and I hate to be the serious one in the room, as with all the other decisions you make in your life, it’s important that you be smart about how you go about getting laid! That means maintaining your standards at all times.
Let’s look at three scenarios of many, and I’m in a flippant mood so I’ll keep it general and light…. Don’t go getting all offended- but if you do, have a think about that, and consider working with me.
No Fuss, Festive Fun
If you’re the type who isn’t all that fussy about who you shag and how well you know them, then you’ll likely have no trouble getting some. It seems that on every dating app, you can find a guy who’ll issue an offer after barely glancing at your profile.
They’re the guys who tell you they’re horny within minutes of the conversation starting. At least they’re clear about what they’re looking for, I suppose that’s a bonus. Well, it is if that’s your need too, because you’re definitely both on the same page.
This is the kind of guy who wants a shag, and doesn’t care who it’s with. He’s the old ‘any hole’s a goal’ kinda guy, and you may just get a lacklustre personality, with a huge side of disrespect thrown in there too. So what if you might need to have a paper bag handy?
Or maybe he’s nothing like that, but just wants a spontaneous shag with a random stranger. He might even be hot- it’s the chance you take, because this guy isn’t necessarily one who’ll put a lot of effort into his dating profile, if that’s where you found him.
But then, maybe you don’t care, as you don’t seem to mind not knowing them well or anything else important. There’s also next to no chance that this will ever develop into a relationship- so if you want it short and sweet, then this is your fella. With short and sweet comes risk, and it’s likely he’s been making short term decisions for a long time- including with who else he’s shagged, and whether he’s been safe when doing so.
Standards should be applied, but in this case, they’re pretty much out the window. That’s what often happens when we make split second or short term decisions, and alas, that method can sometimes come back to bite us on the vag later on when we’re feeling more sober, and considerably more itchy.
The long and short? Be safe, while you have fun, no matter who you play with.
If you’re more interested in a connection with the guy, and knowing that you have some semblance of mutual respect, and perhaps being able to pick him out of a line up- you have different needs. Whether you meet him online or out and about, you’ll want a minimum of chatter, or banter, as the young kids say these days.
You’ll want some attraction, and to get a vibe from him that tells you it’s you he’s got his eye on, even for a short time. This guy isn’t looking over your shoulder at someone else, because he recognises something in you too- and what is it? Oh shit, no way, it’s self respect!
That’s right, because this guy also possesses that same quality! He’s not looking for just anyone to share his time and body with. He wants some connection and dare I say, chemistry, too.
Care is also needed here, because this is swoon fest territory. He could be so charming and sweet that you think, “well hellooooo, he could be The One!” These actions he’s displaying remind you of what you really want for yourself, so it can be easy to be tempted to fall for him- but aren’t you just looking for a fuck? Ah, you’re swaying! So maybe a shag isn’t actually what you want?
And that’s where you’ll have to revert back to your standards, and communication skills. Remember who you are, and at the very least, use your conversation skills to ascertain whether he’s looking for just a shag or more. That chat will help you to decide whether you’ll pop him into the “right now” or the “Mr Right” category.
Don’t forget though, he has his own thing going on, and even if you think you’ve put him into the right place, he might have you in the other. Hey, what can I say? Shit happens. Even when you’re getting laid, you need to protect your heart as well as your health!
Okay, so those two scenarios could be not you, scary, or just too much to think about right now. It’ll be much easier to flick through your phone and call up someone from the bench, right? Someone you’ve shagged before, or weren’t quite interested in way back when, or maybe, just maybe it’s someone you were with for a while.
Calling someone from the bench could work nicely. You’ve met them, must’ve had some sort of connection but it didn’t continue for some reason or other.
If it was because you weren’t that keen at the time, you might have a better chance of success. He might be holding a torch for you, and might be rapt you’ve made contact. You may just get the shag you’re looking for, but you might have some fallout to deal with if things don’t fully go to plan. Or it could be worse, and he might be all negativo about you making contact with him after so long. It’s kinda fair enough too- so choose carefully who you call up from the bench, by taking into account the way you ended it the previous time.
If it was timing that stopped you two proceeding, then go for it. Perhaps now will work for both of you, and you’ll be back in familiar territory, and can at least get a shag with someone you have some sort of respect for, and who likely does with you.
But if it was because he wasn’t keen- stop right there. Your standards need to stop you from making this decision, but if they don’t, I will. Basically what this is, is you saying to him, “I know you didn’t like me/ had someone else/ were training for the Olympics/ would have preferred to make toys at Build-a-Bear than spend any time with me, but I’m still here for yoooooooooooou, I still want yoooouuuuuuuuu.” How does that sound to you? Put whatever real reason you know it was in there, and then say it. Imagine how you’d feel as you type that into a text, and watch the text go out into the cyber world. How does that make you feel? Like shit? Good. Then put the phone down, unless you’re in there to delete or block.
Sending a text to that guy will not make you feel good about yourself and god forbid you should actually get laid by that guy- the feeling would be even worse. You know you’ve practically begged for it. How does that feel? Because I know it too, and so does he. He’ll feel on top of the world- but his feelings aren’t your concern or mine. Yours are. So are your standards and your self respect. So here’s me saying it again: do not text this guy.
What about someone you were in a relationship with, with feelings and plans and all sorts going on? Well, that’s a whole other bag of drama. I’ve got you covered there too. There are so many ways that could go, and I talk about lots of them in my recent blog.
Right, so we’ve gone over a few scenarios here but the upshot of it all is:
♥ decide what you want and what you’re willing to do for it, including maintaining or lowering your standards
♥ be careful who you set your sights on to satisfy your carnal needs, because you might get much more or much less than you’d planned for
♥ be smart about it, no matter which way you go. Make a decision you can live with the next day or week, or when you’re telling your friends. The more cringes you think the moment will elicit, the lower down your list this option should probably be
♥ whoever you shag, make sure you use condoms!!
Trying to figure out what you want and which way to go? Book in a free 30 minute chat with me, and we’ll get you on your way.
♥ and share with a sexy single!